he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
