the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
