you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
and you fell through a lawn chair
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize