just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
