you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize