if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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