Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
