Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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