UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
