he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
