My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
