How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
