I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
