HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
