the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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