Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
