So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
