I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
