no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
