check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
