is your mom at the bar?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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