dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize