i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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