i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
