U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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