It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
