She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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