having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
