So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
