some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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