We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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