WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize