Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
