She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
