so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
