I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
