Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
