the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize