no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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