Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
