3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
