She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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