You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im six kinds of drunk right now
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize