I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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