So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
