youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize