4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
