Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
