I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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