All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
