so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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