Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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