Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
