I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
