he wants to bone in the snuggie
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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