I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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