Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
