friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
