I cannot find my penis.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
