I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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