Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
