she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
