I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
