How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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