I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
