i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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