He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
