You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
