the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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