I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
