If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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