I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
