After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
