We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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