I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i now understand why vodka
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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