smell my finger.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
