I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize