She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
