i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
